i tried to hold back the tears when the doctor said i had a bronchitis. so its something major thats happening in my life. oh why the fuck did i smoked? im a fucktard. i should have quit or maybe didnt try at all. why am i so stupid? i knew that i had asthma but i still smoked. even those stupidest students there know that if u have asthma u should not smoke.

the doctor then put in on a oxygen mask and let me breathe it in for half an hour. i swear to u guys that my chest hurts while im typing this. i dunno how to deal with this yet. im sucha fool.

the doctor, talking to me like a close friend, said try to quit smoking.
ah heres the convo

doc: quit smoking
sufi: yeah i did
doc: good. if u wanna live dont smoke ever again
sufi: doc will i still be able to do my normal activities?
doc: yea but activites with lots of running like soccer u should avoid.
sufi: but doc i have 3 sports and wellness programs remaining
doc: which one is important. that program or ur lungs?

by this time i was already depressed.
thinking about death

so in about 3 days later i'll be going for my XRAY test. i hope its not as bad as what the doctor says.