i think ive got a massive problem here. ive got communication problem. im not like last time anymore where i used to add up unknown people or you can call them strangers i supposed. and then i could just talk my ass off. id like to think myself as the talk in real life kind where its the real thing you know. i supposed growing up as their cons too

now having grown up(hell yeah), i look for specific people to add up. but i cant just seem to chat 'fluently' as i did last time. its like the mojo is gone. and the jojo is still here. yeah that was lame. so now in facebook im actually scared to add people up even though ive posted some hellos on their walls. because i know i wont talk to them as much and its just good as saying 'do not add them'.

life is fucked up eh
eltech is fucked up
the gays are fucked up

anyway i wanna say sorry to nan sheng and melvin for the constant teasings. haha.

i tried to hold back the tears when the doctor said i had a bronchitis. so its something major thats happening in my life. oh why the fuck did i smoked? im a fucktard. i should have quit or maybe didnt try at all. why am i so stupid? i knew that i had asthma but i still smoked. even those stupidest students there know that if u have asthma u should not smoke.

the doctor then put in on a oxygen mask and let me breathe it in for half an hour. i swear to u guys that my chest hurts while im typing this. i dunno how to deal with this yet. im sucha fool.

the doctor, talking to me like a close friend, said try to quit smoking.
ah heres the convo

doc: quit smoking
sufi: yeah i did
doc: good. if u wanna live dont smoke ever again
sufi: doc will i still be able to do my normal activities?
doc: yea but activites with lots of running like soccer u should avoid.
sufi: but doc i have 3 sports and wellness programs remaining
doc: which one is important. that program or ur lungs?

by this time i was already depressed.
thinking about death

so in about 3 days later i'll be going for my XRAY test. i hope its not as bad as what the doctor says.

while putting my left hand on my right chest, i began typing this post. for the past few days ive been experiencing problems with phlegm. not the 'normal' ones. the ultimate greenish-yellow sticky kind. yea. i tried spitting it out. u know the 'keeaaapuiiii' method. but to no avail. the phlegm was stuck at my throat. then just now in school, my right chest felt pain out of a sudden. i felt like fainting. i felt my lungs was making some kind of noise. i guessed its the phlegm thats stuck and went inside the lungs.

then now, ive begun research on symptoms of illness that has phlegm. one word out of my mind came out. bronchitis. i hope its not that serious. if not ill miss out a lot of school stuff. ill miss my friends. my grades will suck.

and to her. after printing for you the papers, how about you ask me to become your danny jones eh? lol.

i hope my trip to the doctors wont have that B word coming out.

hey peeps. im back to school today. wah i missed my friends. haha. right now im having eg1 which is engineering maths. haha. the whole class also not paying attention. some playing dota. haha.

heyho peeps. ive been sick this past 2 days. temperature's been fluctuating. haha. im sick of eating medicine. and ive havent eaten anything delicious since sunday. haha.
i also miss school a lot. friends. and especially seeing her at canteen 2.

heyho. heres some exciting stuff i did for the past week

i dyed my hair red.
practice tapping technique on guitar
did eltech project on my own
played soccer
run
breathe

haha ok basically ive been fucking busy these days. loads of fucking projects that needs to be done. smoked a ton till sore throat.

you know. the inside of me actually wants me to quit smoking for good. but the outside wanna step macho and all and continue smoking. i wonder... will there be some catalyst thats gonna stop me smoking for good..

and for my brother which is farhan(yes im naming you), chill dude. we're both single. i can feel ur pain. i can sense the loneliness too. but love can wait. we're teenagers dude. have some fun with your now closed ones.